It’s like clearing the thickest hedge you could imagine for a whole working day. Only this hedge is filled with razor grass – which is pretty much as the name implies, grass that will cut exposed flesh to ribbons – huge thorns and spines on trees sharp enough to go straight through a carelessly placed hand, deadly snakes, poisonous spiders and foot-long centipedes so venomous that they can blister your skin with a touch. Oh, and the odd man-eating big cat. Specifically, jaguars.

It’s 40 degrees in the shade, 100 per cent humidity – and water is scarce because this is the dry season. In some places, it’s impossible to walk close to the river – and he might be a jungle mile inland. If he’s lucky, he will find a stream or plants he can cut to drink from. If not, he goes thirsty.
Once he makes camp, he gathers firewood and – if there’s water – he washes. Sometimes he might catch a few spiny piranhas to eat. But if he doesn’t, he goes hungry. If you offered him one of the celebs’ witchetty grubs, he’d regard it as a rare treat.
Has he been near death? Regularly. Sometimes daily. Only last week he was cutting his way through the jungle when he saw a movement. It was a deadly pit viper, ready to strike. Ed backed off. Luckily, so did the snake.

Read it here.

I hope someone gives him a really good blowjob when he gets home.

He said:

`I used needles on you because I wanted you to be the same as me so that you can live with me and you won’t leave me’.

Read more here.

The little girl said, “Hello Father, these are Catholic kittens.”

The Priest said, “That’s nice, Bless you child.”

A week later the Priest saw the little girl again with the box of kittens and said, “How are the little Catholic kittens doing?”

The little girl said, “They are not Catholic kittens anymore, they are Athiest kittens now.”

The Priest said, “What happened?”

The little girl said, “Their eyes opened.”