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This Guy has the Biggest Balls in the World. End of Story.

December 6, 2009

Ed Stafford, former British Army Captian, is walking the entirety of the Amazon. I kid you not. He is a man of great tenacity, and apparently, without a hobby. Or maybe this is his hobby.

It’s like clearing the thickest hedge you could imagine for a whole working day. Only this hedge is filled with razor grass – which is pretty much as the name implies, grass that will cut exposed flesh to ribbons – huge thorns and spines on trees sharp enough to go straight through a carelessly placed hand, deadly snakes, poisonous spiders and foot-long centipedes so venomous that they can blister your skin with a touch. Oh, and the odd man-eating big cat. Specifically, jaguars.

It’s 40 degrees in the shade, 100 per cent humidity – and water is scarce because this is the dry season. In some places, it’s impossible to walk close to the river – and he might be a jungle mile inland. If he’s lucky, he will find a stream or plants he can cut to drink from. If not, he goes thirsty.
Once he makes camp, he gathers firewood and – if there’s water – he washes. Sometimes he might catch a few spiny piranhas to eat. But if he doesn’t, he goes hungry. If you offered him one of the celebs’ witchetty grubs, he’d regard it as a rare treat.
Has he been near death? Regularly. Sometimes daily. Only last week he was cutting his way through the jungle when he saw a movement. It was a deadly pit viper, ready to strike. Ed backed off. Luckily, so did the snake.

Read it here.

I hope someone gives him a really good blowjob when he gets home.

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